i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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