someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
