who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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