hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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