I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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