If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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