I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
