She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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