i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I touched a dick in church today
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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