i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Life is so much better after having sex.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
