Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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