I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
a search helicopter?!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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