I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
zippers are such a cool invention
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
