I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
