you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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