Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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