I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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