Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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