actually, I'm a sock model
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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