ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
