He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
