You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I want a musical about memes.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
