They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
