dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
