And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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