All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
ok first of all what the fuck
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
