omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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