Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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