Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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