i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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