Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
