the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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