I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
