i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
