Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Less talking, more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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