the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
