so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
