we made out on top of his cat.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
They took my balls.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
