Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
