somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
