i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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