is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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