I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
