oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
