I think I am morally bankrupt
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
