You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
