For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
