dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
