I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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