Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize