i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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