I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
