Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
