I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
