Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
