Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
