Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
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sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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