I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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