erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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