i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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