I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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