i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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