Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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