If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
